The so-called MR NICE GUY

Though it’s too strong a term, I’m going to call them Ambush Predators (AP’s). AP by definition - capture prey by stealth or cunning. These organisms usually hide motionless and wait for prey to come within striking distance. I know what you women are thinking at this point - ‘Aren’t all guys AP’s anyways?’ Answer- they’re not!

Women are amazing. They have better intuition. They have a broader visual periphery. They’re better at multi-tasking. They can be utterly ruthless. Yet somehow they too can get hoodwinked by a so-called Mr. Nice Guy every now and then. I keep saying ‘so called’ because in reality there are actually loads of nice guys in the world (who pretty much go unnoticed by the same women, I might add). It’s like these women circumvent every ‘right’ option and invariably get themselves stuck in a web of deceit. Most women highly underestimate the average male’s ability to even fathom the female mind. The AP’s use this complacency to their advantage, not only to fathom but to actually manipulate the unsuspecting female mind. I blame them only partly though. AP’s are just too meticulous in their modus operandi! This is where you must take help from your other guy friends. One guy can always literally see through another. Trust me.

Kabir and Rhea had been great friends for a year or so. Gradually he becomes a confidante and then the obvious follows - they fall in love. The AP will always insist on keeping this a secret in most cases. Mere friendly hugs become a thing of the past. Physical intimacy takes over. Kabir never talks about their future. Only the most heartless AP will do that with a straight face, but then he doesn’t come in the category of the ‘so called Mr. Nice Guys. After the sex / making out, he’s back to being the good friend that he only still claims to be, at least to the whole world. Rhea seeks answers to many questions as to where all this is going. But she trusts Kabir so she doesn’t bother harrowing him with her questions (BIG mistake!). Now comes the twist in the tale – Rhea is being pressured into getting married. Rhea could –

1)      Make another mistake by revealing that she and Kabir are in love. Mistake because it’s only going to cause her humiliation and embarrassment.

2)      She directly goes to Kabir and asks him ‘what she should have asked him 2 months ago.’

*At this point if another guy friend who knows the truth, tries to make her see the reality of Kabir, she WILL totally defend Kabir and snub the guy (who surprisingly might just be the real nice guy secretly in love with her and co-incidentally someone who could have kept her happy for the rest of her life. Life is a soap opera isn’t it? :-) )*

In both cases however the result is the same. Kabir senses his cue to exit and gets himself into the ‘flee mode’. Now follow the excuses –

1)      We’re not right for each other. (Depending on his amazing foresight. Notice how it is just suddenly decides to become active after all this time of carefree fooling around)

2)      We’re such great friends. I’ve never looked at you in ‘that’ way (although he’s seen everything of her by then). What we had was merely physical, not love. You DESERVE someone who would love you like there’s no tomorrow. (See? He’s thinking about YOU not himself :-) )

3)      My parents would never be happy. Their happiness always comes first. (Being the good son here)

4)      I have to still stabilize my career (He’ll make it sound like that’s going to take the next 50 years). If I’m going to be with you then I want to give you the best life ever (He knows you cant wait so in reality he is stating that he CAN’T be with you)

5)      This one is the last resort and just amazing - You would be better off with the guy your parents have found for you. He seems like a really nice guy who shall give you all comforts of life. (Again he is the great guy who is sacrificing his own love for your good. You wonder why he is doing that because he could very well in fact be with you for the rest of his life. Hmmmm)

And so on… 

What next? – You’ll see him having desert at your wedding, waving out to you from a distance. Saying ‘so :) what’s up?’

Another usual AP tale is where Jared and Rachel have become the best of friends and every time Jared is down (and he seems to be like that quite often) he calls her up and sweetly ‘asks’ her for a hug . Rachel, a good friend is always there for him. He cribs about his girlfriend – ‘the bitch’, about how she’s made his life so difficult and its causing him so much ‘stress’ :( Now our sweet Rachel is always there to ‘comfort’ him. Rachel obviously wonders ‘how could he be with her and share his dreams with me?’ She loves him secretly but because he is in a ‘serious’ relationship (that seriously sucks big time) she doesn’t express her feelings. Soon he gets married to the same ‘bitch’ he has been cribbing about all along. Rachel is of course invited to the wedding and introduced as his best friend (or ‘just a friend’ in some unfortunate cases). As expected his ‘wife’ doesn’t like him as much as even talking to Rachel (mind you this too could be just another lie) so the marriage is followed by a huge period of ‘no contact’. Rachel of course doesn’t want to cause any trouble so she keeps herself away. Until the day when he calls Rachel (mostly still single) again begging her to meet him because his wife has made his life a living hell and he ‘misses’ Rachel. This is basically his attempt to start the whole cycle again (till he gets bored of it or till his wife gets pregnant). Unbelievably 50% of all Rachels eventually go for it. Simply because she feels that Jared is – ‘a nice guy’

Every time I come across a woman who has been or is being a ‘victim’ of an AP, I wish I could just jolt her back to reality and make her see that he isn’t such a nice guy after all. This is one big problem with women. Just when time demands them to ‘look through someone’, they choose to ‘look beyond’ him. After everything is over they will accredit this to their poor abilities when it comes to ‘recognizing’ people. So the AP would be a friend in ‘most’ cases. He will be involved in charity and everything that’s ‘good’ on earth. He will want to have all the fun, making it seem accidental and impulsive and then take no responsibility what so ever. Its simply amazing watching him switch between the ‘friend’ / ‘more than a friend’ modes. He wants it all without risking anything.

I re-christen these crafty scoundrels ‘Mr. Have The Cake and Eat It Too’.

Not such a nice guy after all, is he? :-)