Beware of the EXPERIENCE SEEKERS (ES)

This one is simply my favourite. Its so so oh so close to my heart    :-) 

Beware of the EXPERIENCE SEEKERS (ES)!

She is the one who takes you on a joyride! She takes your life and adds so much color to it that you begin to wonder if you were even ‘living’ before you met her. She turns your modest box of dreams into an overfilled piece of luggage with all your dreams literally hanging out for the rest of the world to see. She is the one for you…..or so you think :-)

Geoffrey met Ally in a coffee shop. While he just sat there reading a book, sipping his coffee, she came in with a bunch of girlfriends destroying the sanctity of the serene coffee shop. He kept reading although he couldn’t help glancing at her from the corner of his eye every now and then. She purposely made wise cracks (and she was darn good at them) and laughed hoping to grab his attention. Every person sitting or walking in and out of the café couldn’t help noticing her and in most cases admiring her. After 20 minutes the same pandemonium that irritated Geoffrey was now music to his ears. He even chuckled at a joke or two, not obviously but enough to send the message that – ‘I find you interesting! As it usually happens (in case of all the ES’s of the world) it was she who made the first move. After passing witticisms on certain current affairs (to prove that she’s smart and worldly) (Geoffrey obviously reacted to them – to show that HE was smart and worldly) as she walks past him to fetch the ‘news paper’ she comments on the book he’s reading and then eagerly, without any reason at all, states her point of view on a particular character. He looks up with a calm smile (inside him of course his heart does summersaults followed by the rumba). He in turn lays down his theory about the same character. Ally’s heart skips a beat – ‘Wow such insight!’ 3 days later they’re found talking on the phone for hours into the night and 1 week later both are going insane trying to contain their feelings for each other. Again, like all the ES’s of the world :-) Ally utters the 3 magic words first. Geoffrey in spite of his rock solid determination not to rush in, gives in and from that day on they become one of the most enviable couples you would ever come across! 

Experience seekers

In most cases she has just turned 20 or in her early 20’s and sooner or later she IS going to realize that she has time to ‘explore’ many more relationships. In other cases she’s in her 30’s and has already made up her mind about never ‘settling down’ in life. In the best case scenario I hope you (my man) are just as young too. If by any chance the difference between your ages is too much, then my friend, you’re in for it! A steep fall awaits you. By the end of it you’re sure to be chewed up and spat out! Then it’s up to your ability of getting over things.

She will change you. Before you know it you’d already be making changes in your life and your lifestyle to suit hers. Nope! To ‘please her’. By the second month the both of you would have already named your non existent kids and zeroed in on the area of your prospective residence. She will actually inspire you to dream more. She will make sure no inhibitions or insecurities hold you back. She would even be possessive about you, making you feel so special at times :) Not to mention the rocking sex – life that would have you addicted to her like cocaine (alright even more!). You WILL try to match her ‘super powers’ with your intensity and commitment. Why, she would even appreciate that about you! Her friends would envy the two of you. There would be passion, plans, dreams and destiny. Then we wait and watch for the ‘marginal utility’ of the relationship to run out – for her, not for you. The biggest mistake you could make HERE is leaving her alone for a week or two. In this time she realizes that she needs something ‘new’. Now her mind starts looking for an ‘excuse’ to walk away. She won’t find any because you have just been spectacularly committed. Here she takes one of the two modes:

1)      The ‘I’m not worthy of your love’ mode – where she happily demeans herself on the pretext of having done something ‘wrong’ (might be made up again). You my friend are a fool in love so you even go to the extent of agreeing to forgive her. But sadly she has made up her mind so she will throw at you –‘But I don’t think I can forgive myself.’

2)      The ‘you don’t understand’ mode – this is where she places in front of you a ‘lame’ reason as to why you two cant be together anymore. When you deem it lame and express desire to work things out, she replies – ‘You don’t understand. I know it won’t work.’ This is her way of denying you any chance of making things work.

I’m sorry for all the ‘Geoffrey’s’ of the world. A couple of months down the line Geoffrey sits in the same café unable to read because he can’t concentrate anymore. He has been totally shattered and distraught. Nothing seems to help him ‘move on’. Our perpetually upbeat effervescent Ally in the meanwhile is already EXPLORING another world altogether. Perhaps her boss or superior – the sophisticated corporate suit! You dear Geoffrey, were nothing but a mere ‘transition’ between him and her old junkie rock-star boyfriend (who is an even bigger junkie now.) The funny thing is that if you happen to talk to her again (which I think is a bad idea because it will only add to the pain) she will still smile and claim – ‘I always truly loved you’. The sad truth is that she never loved you as much in the first place. Another word of advice – If you’ve just had your heart broken by an ES then move on because while you cry every night thinking about him / her, that person doesn’t care 1 bit. They’re already on to their next ‘experience’! Next time…..as I said before –

Beware of the Experience Seeker!

 

The so-called MR NICE GUY

Though it’s too strong a term, I’m going to call them Ambush Predators (AP’s). AP by definition - capture prey by stealth or cunning. These organisms usually hide motionless and wait for prey to come within striking distance. I know what you women are thinking at this point - ‘Aren’t all guys AP’s anyways?’ Answer- they’re not!

Women are amazing. They have better intuition. They have a broader visual periphery. They’re better at multi-tasking. They can be utterly ruthless. Yet somehow they too can get hoodwinked by a so-called Mr. Nice Guy every now and then. I keep saying ‘so called’ because in reality there are actually loads of nice guys in the world (who pretty much go unnoticed by the same women, I might add). It’s like these women circumvent every ‘right’ option and invariably get themselves stuck in a web of deceit. Most women highly underestimate the average male’s ability to even fathom the female mind. The AP’s use this complacency to their advantage, not only to fathom but to actually manipulate the unsuspecting female mind. I blame them only partly though. AP’s are just too meticulous in their modus operandi! This is where you must take help from your other guy friends. One guy can always literally see through another. Trust me.

Kabir and Rhea had been great friends for a year or so. Gradually he becomes a confidante and then the obvious follows - they fall in love. The AP will always insist on keeping this a secret in most cases. Mere friendly hugs become a thing of the past. Physical intimacy takes over. Kabir never talks about their future. Only the most heartless AP will do that with a straight face, but then he doesn’t come in the category of the ‘so called Mr. Nice Guys. After the sex / making out, he’s back to being the good friend that he only still claims to be, at least to the whole world. Rhea seeks answers to many questions as to where all this is going. But she trusts Kabir so she doesn’t bother harrowing him with her questions (BIG mistake!). Now comes the twist in the tale – Rhea is being pressured into getting married. Rhea could –

1)      Make another mistake by revealing that she and Kabir are in love. Mistake because it’s only going to cause her humiliation and embarrassment.

2)      She directly goes to Kabir and asks him ‘what she should have asked him 2 months ago.’

*At this point if another guy friend who knows the truth, tries to make her see the reality of Kabir, she WILL totally defend Kabir and snub the guy (who surprisingly might just be the real nice guy secretly in love with her and co-incidentally someone who could have kept her happy for the rest of her life. Life is a soap opera isn’t it? :-) )*

In both cases however the result is the same. Kabir senses his cue to exit and gets himself into the ‘flee mode’. Now follow the excuses –

1)      We’re not right for each other. (Depending on his amazing foresight. Notice how it is just suddenly decides to become active after all this time of carefree fooling around)

2)      We’re such great friends. I’ve never looked at you in ‘that’ way (although he’s seen everything of her by then). What we had was merely physical, not love. You DESERVE someone who would love you like there’s no tomorrow. (See? He’s thinking about YOU not himself :-) )

3)      My parents would never be happy. Their happiness always comes first. (Being the good son here)

4)      I have to still stabilize my career (He’ll make it sound like that’s going to take the next 50 years). If I’m going to be with you then I want to give you the best life ever (He knows you cant wait so in reality he is stating that he CAN’T be with you)

5)      This one is the last resort and just amazing - You would be better off with the guy your parents have found for you. He seems like a really nice guy who shall give you all comforts of life. (Again he is the great guy who is sacrificing his own love for your good. You wonder why he is doing that because he could very well in fact be with you for the rest of his life. Hmmmm)

And so on… 

What next? – You’ll see him having desert at your wedding, waving out to you from a distance. Saying ‘so :) what’s up?’

Another usual AP tale is where Jared and Rachel have become the best of friends and every time Jared is down (and he seems to be like that quite often) he calls her up and sweetly ‘asks’ her for a hug . Rachel, a good friend is always there for him. He cribs about his girlfriend – ‘the bitch’, about how she’s made his life so difficult and its causing him so much ‘stress’ :( Now our sweet Rachel is always there to ‘comfort’ him. Rachel obviously wonders ‘how could he be with her and share his dreams with me?’ She loves him secretly but because he is in a ‘serious’ relationship (that seriously sucks big time) she doesn’t express her feelings. Soon he gets married to the same ‘bitch’ he has been cribbing about all along. Rachel is of course invited to the wedding and introduced as his best friend (or ‘just a friend’ in some unfortunate cases). As expected his ‘wife’ doesn’t like him as much as even talking to Rachel (mind you this too could be just another lie) so the marriage is followed by a huge period of ‘no contact’. Rachel of course doesn’t want to cause any trouble so she keeps herself away. Until the day when he calls Rachel (mostly still single) again begging her to meet him because his wife has made his life a living hell and he ‘misses’ Rachel. This is basically his attempt to start the whole cycle again (till he gets bored of it or till his wife gets pregnant). Unbelievably 50% of all Rachels eventually go for it. Simply because she feels that Jared is – ‘a nice guy’

Every time I come across a woman who has been or is being a ‘victim’ of an AP, I wish I could just jolt her back to reality and make her see that he isn’t such a nice guy after all. This is one big problem with women. Just when time demands them to ‘look through someone’, they choose to ‘look beyond’ him. After everything is over they will accredit this to their poor abilities when it comes to ‘recognizing’ people. So the AP would be a friend in ‘most’ cases. He will be involved in charity and everything that’s ‘good’ on earth. He will want to have all the fun, making it seem accidental and impulsive and then take no responsibility what so ever. Its simply amazing watching him switch between the ‘friend’ / ‘more than a friend’ modes. He wants it all without risking anything.

I re-christen these crafty scoundrels ‘Mr. Have The Cake and Eat It Too’.

Not such a nice guy after all, is he? :-)  

 

What on earth am I talking about?

You can’t live without it, you want to live with it and at times you can’t live with it either. May be it is the relationships I’ve been in, may be it’s my seemingly never ending saga of unrequited love, may be it’s just the curious wisecrack inside me or may be I’ve just got too much time on my hands :-) There’s one thing on my mind - ‘Love’ and make no mistake; when I say Love I absolutely mean – ‘Boy meets girl, their eyes meet, lets fall in love… why shouldn’t we fall in love, exchange of hearts and the aftermath’ kind of love. 

It’s perpetually there. Every day, every moment and in every direction around you. It’s the most mundane and clichéd concept to even think about. But I guarantee you – there are very few things as mandatory, as alluring and as magical! For those who don’t quite deem it an important part of life, I’d say a) You’re lying; b) You’re mistaken or c) You’re missing out big time! I for one find it - simply ‘captivating’, simply ‘fascinating’!

Love is like one of those paintings which seem right whether you see it from up or down. Then again it may not make sense from any angel. To make it worse it’s the vaguest form of ‘Modern Art’. Yes it’s totally and utterly complicated and could be surprisingly simple. None the less…..it’s a Masterpiece :-). My blog – ‘In Love’ is going to be my way of looking at this ‘painting’ from every possible angle, distance and point of view. In no way am I taking on the mammoth task of defining ‘love’. More so, this is my attempt at observing and deciphering this mesmerizing mosaic of relationships in contemporary times and then passing unfair rigid judgments on the same! Kidding, I meant forming an ‘opinion’ on the same. I hereby vow also to make it an entertaining read if nothing else. I’d love for you to join me on this adventure and I hope you will enjoy it just as much as I already am!

Welcome to 'IN LOVE' :-)